Sunday, September 7, 2008

Early Morning Blog...

You know what song I totally love right now?! "Over it!" by Kathrine Mcphee!! It describes me perfectly! I downloaded it and have to listened to it a billion times! It's a good song. So yesterday was a bad day. I wasn't feeling very well. First of all, I was very sick! I had to work yesterday and I could barely stand cuz I was in so much pain! Then I got home and just felt horrible. Then I found somethings that I wish I hadn't found and it changed my perspective of someone. Maybe i'm just over thinking things or i'm just stupid. But i'm not dealing with this crap any more. I talked to Landi yesterday and she really helped me. She told me to just start over. Don't worry about other people. Just try my best and hate the person if I have to in order to get over it. I try to hate him, but I just can't. I don't know why. I wish I could hate would make things so much easier.
I also talked to Sarah and she helped me too! I love her!! She is the best! Right now I only have three friends that I can trust and count on...Sarah, Landi, and Mindy. I know I have other great friends, but i'm closest to these people right now. I know I need to change something asap but I don't know how to do it. It's hard to even have the will to live when your stuck in a place you hate and your all alone. Basically music and the internet are my life...and that totally sucks! What kind of life is that!? I guess i'm just the dumb one cuz I choose to move to this stupid place!!!! I should of moved to Utah when I had the chance. Oh well! I wish Heavenly Father would give me some kind of clue of what he wants from me...I keep praying and praying and still I get no answer. I've even been reading my scriptures almost every day. I dunno. Maybe i'm just a lost cause. I'm a screw up. If it tells you anything, my family was in town a few days ago taking my brother to a doctor appointment, and they didnt bother to tell me or even come see me! Now that just hurts my feelings...but my family has always been like that. They are too lazy to even come visit me. I'm not worth it I guess. Pretty soon i'm just gonna turn into this total bitch thats rude to every one cuz i'm tired of being treated this way. Once I have the money I am so outta this piece of shit place!!!!!!!!!! See, i'm already turning into a total bitch lol Okay, well I gotta get ready for work. bye friends

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