wow, it's been a long time...

I haven't been very good about writing on here. It's been like three months since my last post lol!! Well, lets see, ummm what has happened to me... First of all, I'm ENGAGED!! Yay me!! lol ;) Yes, i am the future Mrs. Bradley Millwood...he he! He proposed three days before my birthday in April. He took me out to dinner at this very expensive restaurant called Shulas (I think that's how its spellt) I got a 16ounce prime rib, huge baked potato, ceasar salad, and bread. It was so good, but pricey! Then he said that we were going to see a movie. We were all dressed up, me in a formal dress and him in a suit so I was thinking why are we going to a movie lol. We pulled up and I got out...he got on one knee and proposed!! The movie theatre was where we had our first date/kiss :) I had no idea until he reminded me lol It was so romantic!! I loved it!! We were gonna get married this summer but his family were against it. And they did everything in their power to post pone it. So I gave in...i'm not gonna have a huge fight on my wedding. It's supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. So i'm giving Brad time to decide when he will be ready to get married. I'm fine with waiting, I just wish his parents would give me a chance and also let him make his own decisions. Things have gotten a lot better since that went down. Except i'm having trouble with work. I honestly hate it, everything about it. The bosses drive me crazy and I swear one of the leads hates me cuz he makes my life a living hell. But I haven't found another job so i'm stuck at the moment unless they decide to fire me. I don't really care at this point. Going to this job just stresses me out so much. Anyways, i've decided to finally try the Smart for life diet, aka cookie diet. I've seen peoples lives changed by it so i'm gonna give it a shot. Brad and I got season passes to Six Flags in Georgia. He's been trying to get me to go on their biggest rollar coaster, Goliath. I made a deal that if he helps me make my diet goal then i'll go on it. I might cry on it though lol It has two 17 story drops on it!! It's crazy!! But if I can get healthy i'll do just about anything!! So ill let you know what happens. I think i'm ordering my first five weeks of cookies tonight. I guess that's about it for now. Ill try harder to keep up with this. Miss you all!

new beginning

Well, Brad moved into the apartment. I think i'm waking him up with all this typing. oh well lol just wanted to say...I think this is a good thing, a really good thing. I'm gonna get my life back on track with the help of a man who loves me. I'm nervous and excited. I want things to be perfect. I'll type more later. But I love him, I really do!!
Jessica

what is the right thing to do?

The past two months have been the best and maybe the worst months of my life. The best because I met the man of my dreams and I am certain he is the one!! We are perfect for each other...made for each other! He just keeps getting more and more wonderful! We both want the same things outta life and we want to start a life together. But the problem is my life is screwed up. I wish it wasn't because I want to be ready to get married. But i'm not. Dang it! Long story short, i've been having major fiancial troubles. I've been trying my hardest to figure things out on my own but it seems like every effort I make I take two steps backwards. Nothing works out and every time it doesnt I get more depressed. Having Brad is really the only happiness in my life right now. And I hate that! I constantly worry about everything. About not being able to pay bills, about disappointing my family or brad, being stuck at my crappy job forever, feeling alone, and anything else that happens to come up. I really can't take this much longer. I don't know what to do differently. I've tried finding another job...I guess i'm gonna have to buckle down and work fast food or something idk. I'm just so stressed and i'm surprised Brad is even sticking around with me because I am a mess!! I keep breaking down and crying over stupid stuff. And I try to talk to my parents but they never have time or don't want to deal with me. My dad thinks i'm ruining the family name. So whatever...i'm never gonna make them happy. Last night, I thought my internet was shut off cause I forgot to pay it or something. I freaked out. I even called my mom, which I never do cause usually talking to her makes things worse. But I just broke down crying telling her whats been going on. She didnt have much to say but she said to call my Dad. At least now they know exactly whats going on and its not a big secret. I think they already guessed but idk. Brad has been really great (as always). I came home sunday and he had bought me some groceries and a memory foam pillow. He really is a sweetheart! So, he's gonna move in with me soon. I haven't told my parents because I know they are gonna flip. It's not the ideal thing but I think it's the right thing for right now. I know they have the same fear I do, that things will go bad with Brad. But I really, honestly believe that Brad is different then past relationships. He is loving, caring, honest, trustworthy, and treats me like a man should. Things will work out! I hope that eventually I can go back to church. And I hope I can get my life back on track so Brad and I can start our own life together. i never want to lose him...he is every thing i've ever wanted and more. I can't even describe the connection I have to him. It's amazing!! Well, I gotta go to work but i'll write more later. Please send prayers my way because i'm gonna need them. Thanks!

This is a test to see if this text will post to my blog from my cell phone.

Finally a new blog...

Well, this is gonna be a total 180 from my last blog lol Anyways, from those who know me....you already know i've been dating the most fabulous guy ever! For those who don't know me, i'll explain lol So, about two months ago I met Brad (aka Bradley James) on the most red neck dating website ever....called singlesnet.com. Honestly I don't recommend the site lol I got so many weirdos sending me emails asking if i wanted to start a family or for a hook up. So I deleted my account after a few months...but I met a couple guys before I did. One ended up being a freaky stalker guy and another was just an ass hole. So, thats about when I wrote that last blog in November. I was really feeling down and hating all men at that point lol So in December I got feeling a little better about myself and was bored and decided to try that website again. I don't know why...I just had a feeling. So at first things seemed to be about the same...all the guys on there are old creepy and looking for some young hot ass lol Then I started talking to Brad. We aren't sure who messaged who first but we first started emailing then we talked on yahoo messenger a little bit. Then he gave me his phone number and we started texting. He seemed like a really nice guy but I was still sketchy about meeting another guy. I was tired of getting hurt. But this one saturday I woke up and was texting him. I got this strong feeling that I should ask if he wanted to do something. I hadn't planned on it...it was all so random. So we decided to meet for lunch at this Cajin restaurant. It was really nice. And amazingly I wasn't at all nervous! I am a shy person, and usually have a hard time meeting people and talking for the first time. But with him it was different. After we ate we decided to go check out the new bass pro shop. I had so much fun! We just looked around the store, talked, made jokes. It was awesome! We didn't want the night to end lol So after sitting in my car talking for a while we decided to go see a movie!! We saw 'four Christmases". It was an alright movie. I just liked being with him! hehe! I could tell he was nervous. As we walked to the cars after the movie he said I didn't know if you wanted me to put my arm around you. I was like, I wouldn't have minded :) Anyways, that was our first date :) So we've been dating ever since...almost two months!! It's been amazing! He treats me like a princess! I have fallen so head over heals for him! I have never felt this way about anyone!! He is the sweetest, kindest, most sincere guy i've ever met! We are so in love...he tells me he loves me every time we talk or see eachother :) I've never been so happy! I have been praying so hard lately...and every time I ask about Brad I get the same strong incredable feeling that he is the one for me!! I can't believe I finally found him! I want to do everything right with this relationship, I never want to lose him! I think about him every second of every day...and it kills me to be away from him. He currently lives an hour from me so we see eachother about once a week :( it sucks! But hopefully he'll be moving closer to me in the next few weeks :) Anyways, I could go on and on about how wonderful Brad is but i'm sure this blog is already way too long lol Well, ill right more later!! peace out!

No such thing as love

I've decided that there is no longer such a thing as true love in the world we live in. The only thing people care about is sex. A date is now considered a 'hook up'. How did things get so bad? One minute your dreaming about finding your one true love and the next your looking for a one night stand. I don't get it. All i've always wanted was to find a nice guy and fall in love. But I don't think that's possible. Guys tell me im cute or hot and they ask me out...but all they want is some ass. Well i'm done!!! Obviously i'm never gonna find love....at least not the pure kind. So what do I do? just give up? I'm never gonna be like the world, even though they are trying to pull me down to their level. I've come close many times, but I will never cross that line. I could never be happy living that life. I will always want someone to care about me, love me, and want me forever. I had a date set up friday with a guy from work. He said he'd call around seven so we could hang out...well he never called. The next day he called around noon...apologized...said he had to work late. So he said can we do something around four...I said sure. So I waited for him to call me back...and again he never called. What the hell!! Monday at work he told me he had to drive a car to nashville and didnt get home till late. ok, why couldnt you freakin pick up a phone and call!! Dumb ass! his loss...i'm kickin him to the curb...I dont need crap like that. So...I just have one more thing to say to ya'll...Fuck guys!!

Love stinks!

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written in a month!!! That's crazy! Well, a lot has happened. I'm no longer dating the chef cuz he turned out to be an ass hole. He sent me a text message while I was at work saying "I think we should just be friends cuz I don't think we are sexually compatable. Sorry if i've hurt you." Yeah, he's an ass. I guess all he cared about was sex and that wasn't what I cared about so he dumped me. I'm so glad I found out early before things got serious. Guys are such jerks!! I haven't dated one nice guy so far...and I really wish I could!!! I have met a few guys that seem nice online but of course they live way too far away. I think that guys now a day don't take the time to actually get to know your personality...they just look at you and decide if they'd sleep with you or not...then they want to date you. I hate it! I have been talking to this guy from colorado...named Brian. He seems really sweet, but of course he lives in colorado lol. But he's 25, going to college for phsycology and writing. he writes songs, plays guitar, he was born in tucson (which is where I lived for 15 yrs lol), and he's a little shy which I think is adorable. Errrr! Why can't he live closer!? I'm never gonna be happy!! I have this lesbian at work hitting on me every day lol So I told Sarah that if things keep going how they are going im gonna be an old fat broke single lesbian with a baby lol jk But seriously that's how I feel!! I can't trust any one and that sucks! Every guy just wants to sleep with you! I don't think there are any virgins out there except for maybe some mormons and catholics maybe...but seriously...they are hard to find. The world tells us we need sex to date, or tells us that is what dating is for. And it's not. I think that's one reason I was so unhappy in previous relationships. Sex means nothing to me unless i'm in love with the person. I will never like sex just to have fun! I just want to fall in love and have a fairy tale ending...but I am losing faith that that will ever happen. It makes me sad. Every guy tells me how cute and how sweet I am...is that the truth or is he just trying to sweet talk me into bed with him?? I don't get it! Oh well, I gotta get ready for work! Did I mention I waited all day yesterday for this guy to get online and talk to me cuz he said he would...but guess what!? he never got online! How gay is that??! I need to freakin get a life! Move to Alaska where there are no guys! Errrr! Love sucks butt!